Wonderful Weekend

To say that work has been stressful and tough lately would be an understatement, but I have been proud of the fact that I have been balancing work with fun things outside of the office. I am blessed with a beautiful, loving husband and great friends who take me away when I need to.

This last weekend, I was able to even take time off from work to spend the weekend with family. Mum and I drove out to California, bright and early on Saturday morning (early enough that coffee was a requirement). We arrived at my sister's early enough to spend quality time with my 2-year-old nephew. Saturday was his birthday celebration. That bright smiling little face brings such perfect joy to my heart. Playing with him, watching him try to catch bubbles and giggle -- music. And, I don't think I have felt more happiness than when I picked him and he kissed me on the face. Love that little boy and so wish I could see him more often. He is a true miracle and blessing. Can't believe that two years ago, he was in an incubator fighting for every breath at one pound, one ounce.

On Sunday, I got to spend the day with my second favorite person in the world (sorry, sis, Ryan is first...but only by a margin)...my best friend. Being blessed with a friend since junior high school is something that not too many people are able to tout. Being blessed with a kindred spirit is something that only very few people are able to have in their life. Rachel truly is my kindred spirit. We say we share a brain and I really believe it sometimes. We can finish one another's sentences, we can say the most ridiculous things and there are no apologies...we are, like the Simon and Garfunkel song, bookends. We shared a relaxing day together with no expectations, just fun and taking it easy. And, it was made even more special with dinner at my second family's house. Rachel has four sisters and two brothers...a big family compared to mine...but they always make room for me and, no matter how long it has been, it is like no time has passed. I am still in heaven from mom's delicious popcorn. Yum. And, sharing time with mom was so special.

So on to Monday and it was a girl's day at Disneyland. I haven't been to Disneyland in about 8 or 9 years. Oh, I forgot how great it is to walk around the happiest place on earth. So many wonderful memories from going to Disneyland when I was younger. Family, friends, boys, sunscreen, granola bars, flirting, kisses in the parking lot, thrills from rides, holding hands, graduation. Space Mountain was more fun than I remember it being, bringing to life my dream of being an astronaut or perhaps an engineer designing roller coasters. I still laugh with delight when I go on the Tea Cups, watching my mum's eyes open wide while she giggled was lovely. Another blessed day with people I love -- my mum, best friend, and sister.

I came back home from my weekend away feeling relaxed and refreshed, toting souvenirs for my husband from the trip, but I also came back with a cold. I worked through it until I woke up with a fever this morning. Although a pain to my daily grind, I think getting sick was worth the reward of the weekend. Love is all around me and I am lucky that I don't have to go far. Thank you for a perfect weekend.

Olympic Addict and Other Thoughts

I am officially addicted to the Winter Olympics. Every night this week I have stayed up late watching snowboarding, ice skating and downhill. Love it! And, it is inspiring me to get my skates back on. I miss the freedom of jumps and spins. The artistic expression of skating to music. The way that it spoke to my heart and soul. It was a part of me so long, I have been thinking that it is amazing how easy it was to walk away from it all. I have also been thinking that perhaps my pursuit for Lent this year will be to pursue a place to do some roller skating again. Hmm? Could be interesting.

Other thoughts...looking forward to seeing Ozzy Osbourne tomorrow in the middle of a lovely day. Artist's Haven in the morning - time to create and write - and a friend's bridal shower.

Why oh why do I have to get a head shot? I am excited to have been honored with a local recognition that says I am a young professional making a difference in the community. But, a head shot? Really? I will be attempting to get one done this weekend. blah.

And, when will I get the chance to go and see James McAvoy in The Last Train Station? I have seen the previews for the past six months and it makes my heart skip a beat every time. No disrespect to my gorgeous husband, but there is something so yummy about Mr. McAvoy.

Current Read: Eat Love Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert (nope, now that one).

Current Music: Rush, Alice in Chains and Jet...a bit of old school rock, grunge and new rock.

Compelled....but unsure what to write

I feel compelled to write this morning, but frankly I am unsure what I should write about.

The last two months have been overwhelming, painful, wonderful and satisfying...all at the same time.

It might be cathartic to write about the overwhelming and painful parts, but I don't know if I want to peel the scab off yet. I am definitely still healing. They are still bubbling up at the surface and I want to push them down where they can be managed. Anyone have a Tums?

Let's concentrate on the wonderful and satisfying (overwhelming will tie into this a bit).

Wonderful? Wonderful because I have a fantastic husband who has been a rock through all of the overwhelming and painful stuff. Wow...his love for me amazes me everytime. After 12 hours at work, for the fifth day in a row (yep, the overwhelming part), he will just wrap me up in his arms and tell me everything will be fine.

On Monday, I had a day that was beyond overwhelming...I couldn't stop crying at the end of it because it had been an insane roller coaster of emotions and intensity in the office. He was waiting when I got home with a kiss and a hug. He helped me into my pajamas (don't you love flannel?) and then sat me down on the couch to breathe. I cried a bit more in his arms, and then he made sure I was fine where I was (with a stay put and don't fall off the ledge look) and made me something to eat. His love just pushed all of the other stuff away. I am a lucky girl. I am so very blessed. I see his smile and everything melts away. He lets me be me...truly me. And, he loves all of the quirks and oddities about me. As long as we have been together, the flutter in my heart has never gone away when he is near. He is just wonderful!

Satisfying? With all of the craziness that is going on at work, all the late nights, early mornings, weekends, and long meetings, I am so very satisfied. It can be a bit draining, but satisfaction and being proud of what I do can trump that any day. Hearing the CEO tell me that we just held the best event we have ever had...feels fantastic. Hearing how much money we were able to raise and all of the glowing feedback...feels great. Seeing the recognition on someone's face that you are helping their program reach new levels of community understanding...feels so good. I see that I am making a difference in my organization and it is satisfying.

And, beyond where I work, there are the other places where I am investing time and talent. The organizations where I volunteer...so satisfying to see the difference I can make.

Through all of the overwhelming and painful stuff since Christmas, the satisfying and wonderful stuff is helping me get through it all.

Want to hear something ridiculous? Today is the first day I have had since December with no commitments, no work to do, and I have no idea what to do with myself. I am feeling a little anxiety over the lack of rush and run. What to do?

The only appointment on my calendar today is lunch with my husband. Wonderful!

4 Years

This last Thursday, my husband and I celebrated our four-year anniversary. It seems unlikely that it has been four years already because it seems just like only a few months ago that we were standing in front of the Kerr Cultural Center having our photos taken at sunset. What a gorgeous day; what a fun day. I have never felt so completely surrounded by love than on that day. Our friends and family made it amazing. I am truly blessed and so very lucky to have the life that I have.

Looking back on the last four years and all that Ryan and I have done and seen...it actually feels like it has been longer than four years. In that time, we have gone to Australia, Tahiti, San Francisco, New Orleans, Thailand; survived three bouts of cancer (his) and one go at radiation; leaving a job I had for 8 years and starting a new one (me); and gained so many new friends. We won't even mention all of the concerts seen, CDs bought and books read in that time.

I just cannot imagine my life without Ryan. Perhaps part of that is because he and I will be together for 14 years this year. He has been there for me for all of the major stuff one experiences as an adult: my first apartment, first job, first time I quit to move on, first car bought on my own, first home, both of my degrees...everything. He has been my biggest cheerleader and supporter. I don't think I would be as successful as I am without him lifting me up on those days when I just don't think I have it in me.

I know that not many people have the love and relationship that Ry and I have. It is a rarity. No it isn't perfect -- we aren't perfect people so we have our problems. But, we always rise above them stronger and better than before. We learn from one another, we respect one another, we help each other. Most of all we love each other completely. I still get butterflies in my stomach when I look into those beautiful brown eyes. And, holding his hand makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Being in his arms while he hugs me is still my favorite place to be.

Some days I wonder why God felt that I was so worthy of such a gift. Seeing Ryan smile at me across the table, I also know he wonders the same thing. That's what makes us work...we both treasure what we have received in one another. Oh, I love him.

Thank you, MM, for four years of adventure, wonder, miracles, happiness, and silliness!

On Writing...

Tonight I went to my first writing group in a couple of years. It was a freeing feeling. I savor the opportunity to talk about writing with other people who have the same fiery flames as I do. Sitting on a patio at a restaurant in the middle of the city, the sound of breaks, buses, horns in the background while we discuss words and thoughts on an art that brings my soul to life. Energy. Passion. Heart. It was all there at that table over chips and salsa.

Now I am back at home, contemplating the next chapter I will tackle in my writing project. A book. I have never been so excited about my writing. I have learned to sip and enjoy the journey. Someone who is quite impatient, this is a first. Perhaps it is because I am older and wiser now than I was when I attempted to write a novel two times before.

Why do I write? I saw an essay contest that asked the writer to explain why he or she wrote. Why? It is like explaining why fish require water to stay alive. It is a necessity. Reading and writing keep me sane. They keep me connected to me.

So, inspiration is surging through my veins this week. It is invigorating. I will be ready to talk writing, storyboarding and character-building on Thursday evening with my writing partner.

On another note...my weight loss challenge is going along. I go up and down on the pounds I lose, but I am feeling fantastic. And, I have been going to the gym four or five times a week. I have lost a good amount of body fat. So, whether I win or lose -- I don't think I will care. It has me going in a healthy direction. And, it has made me closer to a good friend.

Music: A week from today I will be seeing The Swell Season with Rachael Yamagata opening for them at the Mesa Arts Center.

Books: Currently reading Edward Rutherfurd's "The Princes of Ireland"

Let the Birthday Extravaganza Continue a.k.a. I'm a Lucky Girl

This week was my birthday and I was not too happy about facing another year olderwhen the week began. I was reflecting on the past year on Monday and was just feeling like I hadn't done everything I had wanted to. Lunch with a friend on Monday helped change my attitude a bit, but then I went into a melancholy lull with the weather.

Tuesday flew right by (not without a lovely card and gift from my boss -- so nice)and before I knew it, it was my birthday on Wednesday. I learned that no matter what I have done over the past year, I am loved and appreciated. I have achieved a great deal in connecting with some amazing people. Wow! I am still overwhelmed by the week...the kindness, the care, the pure love that surrounded me.

I woke up in the morning with a gift and card from my sweet sweet husband, with morning rain and a rainbow outside to tell me "good morning." I then met two coworkers at a local coffee place and was treated to a delicious cappuccino. The hugs that greeted me were just so wonderful and genuine.

At work, I was welcomed by a bunch of balloons, an orchid, a gift bag and card. My staffperson, who is also a friend, had wanted to make my day special and she certainly made it so. At noon, I met a good friend for lunch and then when I came back to the office, my other staff person presented me with a blanket she had hand knitted -- she had chosen colors so the blanket would look like the ocean. So sweet!

Ry and I met my parents for dinner and we spent the evening talking and laughing -- they are the best parents. Before dinner I was elated to talk to my two sisters and my nephew.

The birthday celebration is continued with lunch today with a friend and then dinner tonight with two other friends. Tomorrow I will get to spend the day with one of my favorite people at the movies and lunch. And, then dinner tomorrow night with a whole group of friends -- many of us celebrating an October birthday.

Sunday is a relaxing day with my husband -- massages and brunch at one of the most beautiful resorts in town. I am not sure I will be able to start back to work on Monday after such a fun-filled week.

I have been very humbled by the love and affection that has been shown to me this week. I am a lucky girl with truly fantastic people in her life. I am blessed and so very grateful. The birthday extravaganza has shown me that I have achieved a great deal over the last year. I am looking forward to a new year of more friends...and wonderful people in my life.

It Must Be Autumn

It must be Autumn. I am sitting on my patio this evening with a cool breeze brushing against my cheek. There is a wonderful wrapping quiet outside with smidgens of the football game on the TV inside the house slipping out to lick at my ear.

It must be Autumn. I am having that lovely heaviness that hits me when it becomes cooler outside. I become reflective on my life at this time of the year and more apt to listen to classical and folk music (better for thinking). It is a time of renewal for me...almost like my own New Year. The time when I want to take on a new skin. It isn't just because it is my favorite season, but because it is my birthday.

It must be Autumn. I am facing my successes and failures head on and wondering what the next year will hold for me. Already, I was lamenting the confusion I am feeling about who I really am and who I want to be. Wouldn't I have this figured out at 33 (34 in only a few days)? I won't lie, there was a deliciousness to feeling the tears on my cheek become cold in the wind that blew through my car window, a tangible release.

It must be Autumn. I am beginning to smell apples and cinnamon in the air. I am longing to buy a pumpkin for carving. I want set off on a hiking trail lined with oak and ash, leaves changing into crimson, umber, and yellow. The Halloween decorations are calling my name. The orange and black, spiders and skulls, bring to me such wonderful memories from childhood. I can't help but smile while I am brilliantly torn on the inside.

It must be Autumn. I hope this season slows to a simmer for me to sip it up; savor and swirl it around among my senses. I think I'll sit out here on my patio a little longer and stare at the yellow moon that is telling me to prepare for a beautiful Fall.