Saturday, July 07, 2007

Embracing Myself

Wisdom. Today was a day of wisdom and letting the energy of that wisdom rise to the surface, allowing it to be. And, this was not in the face of difficulty or a demon (which I think is usually the case). It arose at a time of peace and happiness...the one time that many of us fear truth and wisdom the most.

I am so horribly hard on myself; judgmental and critical. I have always felt that it was a necessity to be this way in order to stay strong and get where I needed to go in life. Aren't these traits vital to being a professional? To being successful? Well, I let this part of me take over so much that I forgot what it meant to be carefree and intuitive with my life. I stoppd just being. I have my spontaneous moments, times when stress lets go and I feel that I can be myself...this is usually when I am travelling to a new place, reading a book, or writing.

Until today, I really think I have been slowly mourning the loss my true self. The innocent, inquisitive, empathetic, creative, artsy, dramatic, joyous person I had always been. I suppose the seriousness of life and all that it brings screaming toward you can do that.

I woke up today.

I feel free and relieved. I don't have to be who all of those critics (including myself) think I need to be. I am sensitive and thoughtful. I am the person that everyone likes to talk to because I can give them an honest, sympathetic response. I have a higher understanding about others, more than most people. I have had this since I was a young child...and for a long time I knew this was what set me apart from others. But, somewhere in the middle of becoming an adult, I realized that all of these traits made me vulnerable and made me prone to attracting negative, pessimistic people.

No more.

I am making a statement today that this is who I am. I met a wise woman today who helped me understand the wonderful qualities I possess. I also saw with much more clarity how blessed I am. She told me that more would open up to me this year...all of my hard work and selflessness would come to fruition. A weight was lifted off me, but I have to be ready to receive these gifts. Not just ready...but I have to receive them. I could see in her eyes and face that she saw a truth. And, I already knew this truth, but was unwilling to face it; I wasn't worthy. Isn't that what the naysayers would say?

Negative energy...negative people...negative gone!

Cynde is back and she is going to be upbeatable. And, with the love and support I get from my friends, family and husband...I know it is possible.

Aside from getting clarity from this wise woman today. I also had insight into the importance of faith in God and one's self when I was reminded of the story of Queen Esther yesterday. If she could face death for her convictions. I could surely face the negative attitudes of others to be who I want to be.

Thank you, God, for blessing me and those around me. You are so very good.

Words of joy for me, seven, yellow, art, flowers, love, embrace, dance, smile, ice cream, friendship, books, laughter, energy, prayer, music.

Be who you want to be. And, love yourself for who you are. Never be ashamed and never hide your true self in the shadows. Embrace it all!

Friday, July 06, 2007

I left fill in the San Francisco

So, we have been back from our fantastic vacation to Napa, San Francisco and the ol' home town in Southern California. I still don't think I have adjusted to being at work and 115-degree weather. Yes, 115! Last night we hit the all time high on the lowest temperature of the day--only getting down to 93 degrees. I love the desert, but the summers are a little too brutal. Thank goodness for air conditioning!

Napa was beyond gorgeous and it was a cork snob's dream! There were vineyards everywhere up there. And, we visited many beautiful wineries. Calistoga, by the way, is lovely! And, if you are a foodie, like Ry and I would understand what a thrill it was to go to COPIA - The American Center for Wine, Food and the Arts. It is the mecca of culinary stupendousness (and the place where they filmed the finale episode for Season One of Top Chef). We saw a lovely collection of photos there on exhibit, where a couple went to different countries and observed a family and what they ate in a week. The photos on display depicted the family with their week's worth of food all around them. The couple then totaled up the grocery bill for the family. It was just amazing to see how alike we all are in what we eat and yet also how different. Also, to compare how much Western countries eat compared to third world countries. It really made me do a reality check. I wanted to buy the book of photographs, but wasn't sure I wanted to lug the behemoth book around with me the rest of the trip. We still had a long way to go at this point. But, if you are interested in finding out more on COPIA, it exhibits, culinary lessons or its beautiful gardens, go online at

While up in the Napa/Sonoma area, we went to the NASCAR Nextel Cup Race at Infineon Speedway. Wow! What a place! The only track I know you can go to and see a bay and vineyards. The race was exciting and we enjoyed it immensely. And, we had fun walking around on the track with hundreds of other people, looking for the five golden lugnuts. Darn if I didn't find one of them, but I did find the golden washer. I guess that doesn't count.

If Tony Stewart happens to read my blog (like this will happen...and my husband can ignore this)...Tony, you are one hot driver! Watching you go around that track and pass drivers with ease was just amazing. I have always liked you as a driver, but you thoroughly won me over at Sonoma. I'll be rooting for you.

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled program. San Francisco...well, it was San Francisco! We were ready to move there by the end of our stay. We highly recommend the Golden Gate Hotel. We had a lovely stay there and especially enjoyed the warm croissants and the hospitality of everyone there, including Pip the cat. But, there is so much about our trip to share that it would take a novella to write about it, so here is the short version. Visit the De Young, enjoy Haight Ashbury, drink hot cocoa at the italian bakeries in North Beach, and shop in Chinatown.

There is one story I have to share that completely made my trip to San Francisco. Before we left I purchased "Tales of the City" by Armistead Maupin. I thought it would be the perfect thing to read on our trip. I quickly devoured it and was ready for the next one in the series. When we got to San Francisco I figured I could wait until we visited Citylights Books (one of my favorites) to purchase the book, but I saw a wonderful store in Haight Ashbury and couldn't wait any longer. So, I quickly went in, found "More Tales of the City," and purchased it. As I was showing my husband the book, we noticed a little sticker on the was autographed! Could it get any better? Armistead, you are wonderful! Now I am searching for the show reruns on TV so I can see my favorite characters in the flesh.

I am looking at my watch and it is almost time to go. So, I will bid adieu for now. I will write more later...hopefully not too much later. To part, currently reading "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse and I am rediscovering Powderfinger, Aussie band of the genius Bernard Fanning. They just came out with another album recently, but I must wait until it comes to the other side of the globe (why does Australia have to be so far away?).

Word for the day...splendour. Say it and it just makes you smile.