Saturday, July 07, 2007

Embracing Myself

Wisdom. Today was a day of wisdom and letting the energy of that wisdom rise to the surface, allowing it to be. And, this was not in the face of difficulty or a demon (which I think is usually the case). It arose at a time of peace and happiness...the one time that many of us fear truth and wisdom the most.

I am so horribly hard on myself; judgmental and critical. I have always felt that it was a necessity to be this way in order to stay strong and get where I needed to go in life. Aren't these traits vital to being a professional? To being successful? Well, I let this part of me take over so much that I forgot what it meant to be carefree and intuitive with my life. I stoppd just being. I have my spontaneous moments, times when stress lets go and I feel that I can be myself...this is usually when I am travelling to a new place, reading a book, or writing.

Until today, I really think I have been slowly mourning the loss my true self. The innocent, inquisitive, empathetic, creative, artsy, dramatic, joyous person I had always been. I suppose the seriousness of life and all that it brings screaming toward you can do that.

I woke up today.

I feel free and relieved. I don't have to be who all of those critics (including myself) think I need to be. I am sensitive and thoughtful. I am the person that everyone likes to talk to because I can give them an honest, sympathetic response. I have a higher understanding about others, more than most people. I have had this since I was a young child...and for a long time I knew this was what set me apart from others. But, somewhere in the middle of becoming an adult, I realized that all of these traits made me vulnerable and made me prone to attracting negative, pessimistic people.

No more.

I am making a statement today that this is who I am. I met a wise woman today who helped me understand the wonderful qualities I possess. I also saw with much more clarity how blessed I am. She told me that more would open up to me this year...all of my hard work and selflessness would come to fruition. A weight was lifted off me, but I have to be ready to receive these gifts. Not just ready...but I have to receive them. I could see in her eyes and face that she saw a truth. And, I already knew this truth, but was unwilling to face it; I wasn't worthy. Isn't that what the naysayers would say?

Negative energy...negative people...negative gone!

Cynde is back and she is going to be upbeatable. And, with the love and support I get from my friends, family and husband...I know it is possible.

Aside from getting clarity from this wise woman today. I also had insight into the importance of faith in God and one's self when I was reminded of the story of Queen Esther yesterday. If she could face death for her convictions. I could surely face the negative attitudes of others to be who I want to be.

Thank you, God, for blessing me and those around me. You are so very good.

Words of joy for me, seven, yellow, art, flowers, love, embrace, dance, smile, ice cream, friendship, books, laughter, energy, prayer, music.

Be who you want to be. And, love yourself for who you are. Never be ashamed and never hide your true self in the shadows. Embrace it all!

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