4 Years

This last Thursday, my husband and I celebrated our four-year anniversary. It seems unlikely that it has been four years already because it seems just like only a few months ago that we were standing in front of the Kerr Cultural Center having our photos taken at sunset. What a gorgeous day; what a fun day. I have never felt so completely surrounded by love than on that day. Our friends and family made it amazing. I am truly blessed and so very lucky to have the life that I have.

Looking back on the last four years and all that Ryan and I have done and seen...it actually feels like it has been longer than four years. In that time, we have gone to Australia, Tahiti, San Francisco, New Orleans, Thailand; survived three bouts of cancer (his) and one go at radiation; leaving a job I had for 8 years and starting a new one (me); and gained so many new friends. We won't even mention all of the concerts seen, CDs bought and books read in that time.

I just cannot imagine my life without Ryan. Perhaps part of that is because he and I will be together for 14 years this year. He has been there for me for all of the major stuff one experiences as an adult: my first apartment, first job, first time I quit to move on, first car bought on my own, first home, both of my degrees...everything. He has been my biggest cheerleader and supporter. I don't think I would be as successful as I am without him lifting me up on those days when I just don't think I have it in me.

I know that not many people have the love and relationship that Ry and I have. It is a rarity. No it isn't perfect -- we aren't perfect people so we have our problems. But, we always rise above them stronger and better than before. We learn from one another, we respect one another, we help each other. Most of all we love each other completely. I still get butterflies in my stomach when I look into those beautiful brown eyes. And, holding his hand makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Being in his arms while he hugs me is still my favorite place to be.

Some days I wonder why God felt that I was so worthy of such a gift. Seeing Ryan smile at me across the table, I also know he wonders the same thing. That's what makes us work...we both treasure what we have received in one another. Oh, I love him.

Thank you, MM, for four years of adventure, wonder, miracles, happiness, and silliness!

On Writing...

Tonight I went to my first writing group in a couple of years. It was a freeing feeling. I savor the opportunity to talk about writing with other people who have the same fiery flames as I do. Sitting on a patio at a restaurant in the middle of the city, the sound of breaks, buses, horns in the background while we discuss words and thoughts on an art that brings my soul to life. Energy. Passion. Heart. It was all there at that table over chips and salsa.

Now I am back at home, contemplating the next chapter I will tackle in my writing project. A book. I have never been so excited about my writing. I have learned to sip and enjoy the journey. Someone who is quite impatient, this is a first. Perhaps it is because I am older and wiser now than I was when I attempted to write a novel two times before.

Why do I write? I saw an essay contest that asked the writer to explain why he or she wrote. Why? It is like explaining why fish require water to stay alive. It is a necessity. Reading and writing keep me sane. They keep me connected to me.

So, inspiration is surging through my veins this week. It is invigorating. I will be ready to talk writing, storyboarding and character-building on Thursday evening with my writing partner.

On another note...my weight loss challenge is going along. I go up and down on the pounds I lose, but I am feeling fantastic. And, I have been going to the gym four or five times a week. I have lost a good amount of body fat. So, whether I win or lose -- I don't think I will care. It has me going in a healthy direction. And, it has made me closer to a good friend.

Music: A week from today I will be seeing The Swell Season with Rachael Yamagata opening for them at the Mesa Arts Center.

Books: Currently reading Edward Rutherfurd's "The Princes of Ireland"

Let the Birthday Extravaganza Continue a.k.a. I'm a Lucky Girl

This week was my birthday and I was not too happy about facing another year olderwhen the week began. I was reflecting on the past year on Monday and was just feeling like I hadn't done everything I had wanted to. Lunch with a friend on Monday helped change my attitude a bit, but then I went into a melancholy lull with the weather.

Tuesday flew right by (not without a lovely card and gift from my boss -- so nice)and before I knew it, it was my birthday on Wednesday. I learned that no matter what I have done over the past year, I am loved and appreciated. I have achieved a great deal in connecting with some amazing people. Wow! I am still overwhelmed by the week...the kindness, the care, the pure love that surrounded me.

I woke up in the morning with a gift and card from my sweet sweet husband, with morning rain and a rainbow outside to tell me "good morning." I then met two coworkers at a local coffee place and was treated to a delicious cappuccino. The hugs that greeted me were just so wonderful and genuine.

At work, I was welcomed by a bunch of balloons, an orchid, a gift bag and card. My staffperson, who is also a friend, had wanted to make my day special and she certainly made it so. At noon, I met a good friend for lunch and then when I came back to the office, my other staff person presented me with a blanket she had hand knitted -- she had chosen colors so the blanket would look like the ocean. So sweet!

Ry and I met my parents for dinner and we spent the evening talking and laughing -- they are the best parents. Before dinner I was elated to talk to my two sisters and my nephew.

The birthday celebration is continued with lunch today with a friend and then dinner tonight with two other friends. Tomorrow I will get to spend the day with one of my favorite people at the movies and lunch. And, then dinner tomorrow night with a whole group of friends -- many of us celebrating an October birthday.

Sunday is a relaxing day with my husband -- massages and brunch at one of the most beautiful resorts in town. I am not sure I will be able to start back to work on Monday after such a fun-filled week.

I have been very humbled by the love and affection that has been shown to me this week. I am a lucky girl with truly fantastic people in her life. I am blessed and so very grateful. The birthday extravaganza has shown me that I have achieved a great deal over the last year. I am looking forward to a new year of more friends...and wonderful people in my life.

It Must Be Autumn

It must be Autumn. I am sitting on my patio this evening with a cool breeze brushing against my cheek. There is a wonderful wrapping quiet outside with smidgens of the football game on the TV inside the house slipping out to lick at my ear.

It must be Autumn. I am having that lovely heaviness that hits me when it becomes cooler outside. I become reflective on my life at this time of the year and more apt to listen to classical and folk music (better for thinking). It is a time of renewal for me...almost like my own New Year. The time when I want to take on a new skin. It isn't just because it is my favorite season, but because it is my birthday.

It must be Autumn. I am facing my successes and failures head on and wondering what the next year will hold for me. Already, I was lamenting the confusion I am feeling about who I really am and who I want to be. Wouldn't I have this figured out at 33 (34 in only a few days)? I won't lie, there was a deliciousness to feeling the tears on my cheek become cold in the wind that blew through my car window, a tangible release.

It must be Autumn. I am beginning to smell apples and cinnamon in the air. I am longing to buy a pumpkin for carving. I want set off on a hiking trail lined with oak and ash, leaves changing into crimson, umber, and yellow. The Halloween decorations are calling my name. The orange and black, spiders and skulls, bring to me such wonderful memories from childhood. I can't help but smile while I am brilliantly torn on the inside.

It must be Autumn. I hope this season slows to a simmer for me to sip it up; savor and swirl it around among my senses. I think I'll sit out here on my patio a little longer and stare at the yellow moon that is telling me to prepare for a beautiful Fall.

Wonderful Weekend

After a pretty hard week, this weekend was wonderful and exactly what I needed. I took Friday off and used the day to prep for a dinner party we were having on Saturday - IKEA, Target, Jo-Ann's, and Party City. Rachel arrived in town around lunch time and we took it easy until we had to leave for Tucson to see Pink Martini at the Rialto Theatre. What an amazing show! They were just so fantastic...a lot of shimmy-shimmy in our seats. And, the Rialto is a beautiful theatre. I won't go into too many details on our KISS-rocking on the way down to Tucson and our experience of eating dinner on a bench outside of a restaurant. Just know that, as usual, Rachel and I had some quirky fun.

Saturday, we spent the day getting the house and food ready for our dinner party. We were hosting 13 of our closest friends (people who in reality were more like family). Highlights of the food: ricotta cheesecake styled by Miss Rachel, rosemary roasted almonds and homemade tomato sauce, courtesy of a recipe from Mario Batali. Before the party, Ry (yes, he was home on a Saturday -- a wonderful treat), Rachel and I went to Costco to get a few things (including delicious goat cheese with figs) and take a break over a super-cheap lunch.

Dinner was so great! We ate outside at our lovely decorated table, sharing laughs and stories. I really enjoyed seeing all of the smiling faces around the table. People I loved and cared about were all in one place. I felt blessed. The party was a hit. Most everyone left by 12 a.m., but a few of us played Guitar Hero until 2 a.m. Oh, what fun! I didn't even realize how late it was; I was enjoying myself too much.

A testament to the kind friends we have...everyone brought a gift for us. Our home looks like a florists at the moment with the flowers that were given to us -- calla lily, orchid, bouquet of sunflowers. Add chocolate bars and a beautiful-smelling salt scrub to the list of gifts and I almost don't feel worthy of the generosity. The love everyone brought to the house was enough of a gift for me. I am a lucky girl.

So today has been a wind-down, preparing for the realities of work and the grind of the weekday. Before Rachel left to drive back to Cali, we had dim sum. I can never have enough chinese broccoli with oyster sauce. Delish! After Rachel headed out on the road, I realxed a bit and read a book...which turned into a nap. Ahh! The rest of the afternoon was filled with football, a bit of work and then some TV.

What a weekend! Does tomorrow have to be Monday?

Weight Loss Challenge Update: 7 pounds lost so far

Creative Juices

Creative juices is so kitschy, but it is the best way to describe what has been going on so far this weekend. Creativity has been bounding and hopping all over the place and I love it. I haven't been in this place for a while.

Yesterday, I spent the morning playing guitar and creating musically. Then, last night, I visited with a few friends for drinks and conversation. I ended up walking around First Friday, talking to artists. It really inspired to be more bold and courageous with my art. I shouldn't be holding it back and hiding it. Going to work on being more out there with my painting and photography.

Today, I met with another friend to talk writing. We are both working on novels so we are going to meet monthly with additions to our manuscripts, discussing ways to improve and direction. This was our first meeting and it was wonderful! I have been quite motivated to add to what I have so far. It was so nice to hear that my writing inspired him -- my writing! I have been writing off and on all afternoon, with a few cleaning and guitar-playing breaks. With the dark cloudy sky outside, it has been perfect for creating.

On an indirect note of creative juices...yesterday, I decided to get my hair cut. It hadn't been cut for about four months and I thought it was time for a trim. The hairstylist (whom I'd never had cut my hair before -- I walked into the salon near the house) had trimmed my hair and returned my long layers. My hair was about as exciting as it always is -- long hair has the tendency to just "be there." We started talking and I told her I wanted something different -- something edgier (I am having a lot of rock n roll moments lately).

"What do you suggest? I'm feeling adventurous."

"Well, we can make it edgier, but the back will be shorter than it is now."

She explained her idea for my hair and asked me what I thought.

"Let's do it!"

I now have an edgy hair cut that has been helping to feed my creativity. It is a bob with a bit of angle added to it. When she ironed out my hair yesterday with my new cut, I felt like I was channeling Joan Jett just a bit (cool). Today, with the humidity and the resulting curls, I think I have more of a Charlize Theron (I won't complain about that).

Update on my weight loss: I lost 1.5 pounds in my first week of my weight loss challenge. Feeling very good.

Currently can't listen to much more than The Beatles and Depeche Mode. It's all good.

Let the Challenge Begin...

It all started in an innocent enough way. Dinner with a friend at a lovely little local latin (oooh, alliteration) restaurant, complete with twinkle lights and hippie servers. After much discussion about various topics personal and impersonal, it was time to put down my proposal. We've both been making note of our lack of weight loss and perhaps a pudge here and there (usually while sharing a dessert after dinner), so I thought now was the time to stop taking note and getting rid of the pudge.

My proposal was put out on the table around the time we got our banana ice cream drenched in chocolate ganache and caramel (yum!). There was an agreement...it was time. And, we had a motivation. We're going to be attending the KISS concert on December 1...a good date for the first weight loss goal. I mean, who doesn't want to look hot at a rock concert? Am I right? I am currently picturing myself in a size 8 pair of jeans.

We will be motivating and supportive along the way for one another (I'm sure), but the smack will come. I am certain the trash talk will emerge. And, why? Because there is pride and a prize on the line. The winner will have the loser (for lack of a better term) buy them a shirt or some kind of swag at the concert (hmmm, perhaps we will need a cap on spending....didn't think about that).

The challenge begins tomorrow...and I am determined to win. I want to win. I don't tend to be competitive, but I have my moments. This is something I want -- badly. Plus, I don't tend to enjoy being a failure in front of others, that in itself will be a motivator to me. On top of it, the person I am competing with is more than a friend, this person is a mentor. Who wants to look bad to their mentor? Not me.

I am going to beat this thing. I am going to win! So, send the positive weight loss vibes my way. I need to lose 12 pounds before December 1. KISS t-shirt (in a smaller size) here I come!

**Can you see me sticking my tongue out a la Gene Simmons?**