Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Just a couple of random thoughts...

I am almost thinking clearly...random thoughts are all that I'm getting this evening. But, needed to write in my blog.

I don't want to go to another funeral or hear about someone passing away for quite a while. I don't think I am old enough to experience what I have experienced over the last couple of months, especially last couple of weeks. The worst was the passing of my grandmother. It hit me hard. You never realize how much matriachs in your family really are so integral and important until you lose one. Not only was she a hard-working lady that ensured her family was taken care of, but she had a WWII plane named after her...with her leggy image on the nose. I miss her. It is her genetics that made me a reader.

Good part of the weekend -- time with family. Love.

Who knew a nephew could be so much fun? I have such a wonderful time with my nephew Corron. His laugh is infectious. He makes the cutest noises. And, his curiosity is the most adorable thing I've ever experienced. I haven't been smitten with a baby since my little sister was an infant. I melt when he gives me a kiss and hug. And, I really melt when I see my husband playing with him. Ryan never looked cuter. Maybe part of it is my biological clock knocking on my uterus. Or maybe it is just I love having a nephew to spoil. Who else will ballroom dance with me in a restaurant? Just Corron.

I cannot wait to see my best friend - another country. We are finally going to have our overseas adventure. And, I am extremely excited. I was thrilled with the joy in her voice when we chatted on the phone while she waited to leave LAX. I love travelling...and now I think she has discovered why (have you, sis?).

I love having extended family. I was not looking forward to this last weekend and the funeral, but we were lucky enough to stay with extended family (yes, Katie, that is you). What solace it brought and comfort to my heart to be someplace that feels like home. The home of my best friend, the home of family. And, Katie made us feel so welcome. I am so blessed to be part of the Knecht family. Thank you.

I know I am very blessed. God has just made me one of those people who is surrounded by wonderful individuals, friends, family. I have a fantastic job where I am making a difference in my community. I have the time to volunteer for organizations for which I have a passion. I have the most fabulous, loving, sweet husband (and this is not an exaggeration). I have a home. I can travel. Thank you, Lord, for giving me so much. Ahhh.

Okay...enough randomness and a bit of "just letting it all out." I am thinking I need to put a photo of a couch with this post.

Good read: "Talking to Girls About Duran Duran" by Rob Sheffield. (Mix Tape in the form of a book -- brilliant)
Recent Music: "San Francisco Days" Chris Isaak (a used CD I purchased at Rhino this weekend - can we say place of comfort)

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Lack of E-Attachment

Okay, so I'm not really that surprised that I haven't written on my blog in a gagillion years (yeah, I said it). My laptop has been acting up...Princess Leia can be so tempermental (yep, that is my laptop's name).

I am sitting here, eating my lunch at work, taking a mental break and I sashayed over to my lonely, sad blog that hasn't gotten any attention from me lately. There's a lot of e-competition out there lately - Facebook (personal and work), Twitter, fitbit, personal e-mail, work e-mail, iTunes, Pandora,....ugh, the list goes on and on. And, as I make this list, I am seriously considering moving to Fiji and conveniently forgetting my laptop. I love Princess Leia and her cute netbook counterpart Padawan Ashoka, but I am not attached to them. I don't have e-attachment.

In this world of I considered anti-social because I don't have e-attachment. Do I have a disorder? I see people who are constantly online through their computer or phone and they panick when there is a system failure. Me? I like text messaging -- it is instaneous and I like having conversations with people whenever my brain gets the whim to multi-task, but otherwise, my phone feels like a leash. Remember when people had to call your phone and leave a message when you weren't there? And, if the network goes down? Hello, my lovely journal! Actually, it is more like....which journal do I write in today.

I enjoy being unplugged and talking to real people. I enjoy going to a museum and seeing art in real life and not on a screen. I love going for walks and seeing nature in person, rather than just seeing it on my screensaver. If I have a syndrome or disorder. Oh, well!

I enjoy being a living human being who can smell, taste, touch and hear. Amazing how much vitality the senses can bring.

And, so ends my lunchtime manifesto about my lack of e-attachment.

p.s. Sis, if you are reading this...I am over the moon and uber excited about an adventure this Fall. Rome and Tunisia? Really? Wahoo! That is real life!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Wonderful Weekend

To say that work has been stressful and tough lately would be an understatement, but I have been proud of the fact that I have been balancing work with fun things outside of the office. I am blessed with a beautiful, loving husband and great friends who take me away when I need to.

This last weekend, I was able to even take time off from work to spend the weekend with family. Mum and I drove out to California, bright and early on Saturday morning (early enough that coffee was a requirement). We arrived at my sister's early enough to spend quality time with my 2-year-old nephew. Saturday was his birthday celebration. That bright smiling little face brings such perfect joy to my heart. Playing with him, watching him try to catch bubbles and giggle -- music. And, I don't think I have felt more happiness than when I picked him and he kissed me on the face. Love that little boy and so wish I could see him more often. He is a true miracle and blessing. Can't believe that two years ago, he was in an incubator fighting for every breath at one pound, one ounce.

On Sunday, I got to spend the day with my second favorite person in the world (sorry, sis, Ryan is first...but only by a margin) best friend. Being blessed with a friend since junior high school is something that not too many people are able to tout. Being blessed with a kindred spirit is something that only very few people are able to have in their life. Rachel truly is my kindred spirit. We say we share a brain and I really believe it sometimes. We can finish one another's sentences, we can say the most ridiculous things and there are no apologies...we are, like the Simon and Garfunkel song, bookends. We shared a relaxing day together with no expectations, just fun and taking it easy. And, it was made even more special with dinner at my second family's house. Rachel has four sisters and two brothers...a big family compared to mine...but they always make room for me and, no matter how long it has been, it is like no time has passed. I am still in heaven from mom's delicious popcorn. Yum. And, sharing time with mom was so special.

So on to Monday and it was a girl's day at Disneyland. I haven't been to Disneyland in about 8 or 9 years. Oh, I forgot how great it is to walk around the happiest place on earth. So many wonderful memories from going to Disneyland when I was younger. Family, friends, boys, sunscreen, granola bars, flirting, kisses in the parking lot, thrills from rides, holding hands, graduation. Space Mountain was more fun than I remember it being, bringing to life my dream of being an astronaut or perhaps an engineer designing roller coasters. I still laugh with delight when I go on the Tea Cups, watching my mum's eyes open wide while she giggled was lovely. Another blessed day with people I love -- my mum, best friend, and sister.

I came back home from my weekend away feeling relaxed and refreshed, toting souvenirs for my husband from the trip, but I also came back with a cold. I worked through it until I woke up with a fever this morning. Although a pain to my daily grind, I think getting sick was worth the reward of the weekend. Love is all around me and I am lucky that I don't have to go far. Thank you for a perfect weekend.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Olympic Addict and Other Thoughts

I am officially addicted to the Winter Olympics. Every night this week I have stayed up late watching snowboarding, ice skating and downhill. Love it! And, it is inspiring me to get my skates back on. I miss the freedom of jumps and spins. The artistic expression of skating to music. The way that it spoke to my heart and soul. It was a part of me so long, I have been thinking that it is amazing how easy it was to walk away from it all. I have also been thinking that perhaps my pursuit for Lent this year will be to pursue a place to do some roller skating again. Hmm? Could be interesting.

Other thoughts...looking forward to seeing Ozzy Osbourne tomorrow in the middle of a lovely day. Artist's Haven in the morning - time to create and write - and a friend's bridal shower.

Why oh why do I have to get a head shot? I am excited to have been honored with a local recognition that says I am a young professional making a difference in the community. But, a head shot? Really? I will be attempting to get one done this weekend. blah.

And, when will I get the chance to go and see James McAvoy in The Last Train Station? I have seen the previews for the past six months and it makes my heart skip a beat every time. No disrespect to my gorgeous husband, but there is something so yummy about Mr. McAvoy.

Current Read: Eat Love Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert (nope, now that one).

Current Music: Rush, Alice in Chains and Jet...a bit of old school rock, grunge and new rock.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Compelled....but unsure what to write

I feel compelled to write this morning, but frankly I am unsure what I should write about.

The last two months have been overwhelming, painful, wonderful and satisfying...all at the same time.

It might be cathartic to write about the overwhelming and painful parts, but I don't know if I want to peel the scab off yet. I am definitely still healing. They are still bubbling up at the surface and I want to push them down where they can be managed. Anyone have a Tums?

Let's concentrate on the wonderful and satisfying (overwhelming will tie into this a bit).

Wonderful? Wonderful because I have a fantastic husband who has been a rock through all of the overwhelming and painful stuff. Wow...his love for me amazes me everytime. After 12 hours at work, for the fifth day in a row (yep, the overwhelming part), he will just wrap me up in his arms and tell me everything will be fine.

On Monday, I had a day that was beyond overwhelming...I couldn't stop crying at the end of it because it had been an insane roller coaster of emotions and intensity in the office. He was waiting when I got home with a kiss and a hug. He helped me into my pajamas (don't you love flannel?) and then sat me down on the couch to breathe. I cried a bit more in his arms, and then he made sure I was fine where I was (with a stay put and don't fall off the ledge look) and made me something to eat. His love just pushed all of the other stuff away. I am a lucky girl. I am so very blessed. I see his smile and everything melts away. He lets me be me...truly me. And, he loves all of the quirks and oddities about me. As long as we have been together, the flutter in my heart has never gone away when he is near. He is just wonderful!

Satisfying? With all of the craziness that is going on at work, all the late nights, early mornings, weekends, and long meetings, I am so very satisfied. It can be a bit draining, but satisfaction and being proud of what I do can trump that any day. Hearing the CEO tell me that we just held the best event we have ever had...feels fantastic. Hearing how much money we were able to raise and all of the glowing feedback...feels great. Seeing the recognition on someone's face that you are helping their program reach new levels of community understanding...feels so good. I see that I am making a difference in my organization and it is satisfying.

And, beyond where I work, there are the other places where I am investing time and talent. The organizations where I satisfying to see the difference I can make.

Through all of the overwhelming and painful stuff since Christmas, the satisfying and wonderful stuff is helping me get through it all.

Want to hear something ridiculous? Today is the first day I have had since December with no commitments, no work to do, and I have no idea what to do with myself. I am feeling a little anxiety over the lack of rush and run. What to do?

The only appointment on my calendar today is lunch with my husband. Wonderful!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

4 Years

This last Thursday, my husband and I celebrated our four-year anniversary. It seems unlikely that it has been four years already because it seems just like only a few months ago that we were standing in front of the Kerr Cultural Center having our photos taken at sunset. What a gorgeous day; what a fun day. I have never felt so completely surrounded by love than on that day. Our friends and family made it amazing. I am truly blessed and so very lucky to have the life that I have.

Looking back on the last four years and all that Ryan and I have done and actually feels like it has been longer than four years. In that time, we have gone to Australia, Tahiti, San Francisco, New Orleans, Thailand; survived three bouts of cancer (his) and one go at radiation; leaving a job I had for 8 years and starting a new one (me); and gained so many new friends. We won't even mention all of the concerts seen, CDs bought and books read in that time.

I just cannot imagine my life without Ryan. Perhaps part of that is because he and I will be together for 14 years this year. He has been there for me for all of the major stuff one experiences as an adult: my first apartment, first job, first time I quit to move on, first car bought on my own, first home, both of my degrees...everything. He has been my biggest cheerleader and supporter. I don't think I would be as successful as I am without him lifting me up on those days when I just don't think I have it in me.

I know that not many people have the love and relationship that Ry and I have. It is a rarity. No it isn't perfect -- we aren't perfect people so we have our problems. But, we always rise above them stronger and better than before. We learn from one another, we respect one another, we help each other. Most of all we love each other completely. I still get butterflies in my stomach when I look into those beautiful brown eyes. And, holding his hand makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Being in his arms while he hugs me is still my favorite place to be.

Some days I wonder why God felt that I was so worthy of such a gift. Seeing Ryan smile at me across the table, I also know he wonders the same thing. That's what makes us work...we both treasure what we have received in one another. Oh, I love him.

Thank you, MM, for four years of adventure, wonder, miracles, happiness, and silliness!