Swing, Swing!

So, we started our first night in the combination ballroom dancing class we are taking through the city. It was so much fun! We learned the East Coast Swing tonight. What could be better than looking into the face of my best friend (my husband) and dancing to Glen Miller? Um, nothing. I can't wait to see what the next 6 weeks of classes hold for us. We really want to practice in between classes and keep it up after classes....finding someplace for us to dance on a regular basis. Ooooh, fun!

I love spending time with Ryan! He is awesome! That is all I can say. He is just awesome! No one else can make me smile and laugh like he does. And, well, he is so adorable.

Okay, enough fawning over my husband.

My current music interests -- two new CDs I bought at my favorite music store --The Hold Steady and Heartless Bastards. Now, before you discount the last band because of their name....they are great! The lead female singer has a wonderful smoky voice like Pretenders' frontrunner Hynde. And, the sound is a bluesy rock and roll. Really enjoying them. My friend who owns the music store told me that her counterpart in Cincinnati sold 750 copies of the album the day it came out. Wow!

Another music interest -- Laura Pausini. I have listened to a couple of her songs and I am certain she is Italian. The song she does with James Blunt -- Anticipada Primavera is lovely!

Holy Crap, These Fit!

Yesterday I went to the movies with a friend and then we decided to go into the nearby mall. I recently lost more weight and my shorts from last summer no longer fit and I'm in need of some shorts (I live in hot and dry Arizona; they're a must). Well, I had some surreal moments of dealing with a new reality as it relates to my body while on our shopping spree.

Perhaps I should back up a bit. When I moved to Phoenix, my entire life changed -- yes, it was ten years ago -- but it was a huge shift in my world. No more socializing and hanging out with people I knew. No more beach. No more swimming. No more people to go hiking with. No more LA trips. No more occasional coaching at the roller rink. And, there was my poor boyfriend (husband now); he was my only connection and social network in Phoenix. I don't think he realized what he got himself into.

Now at this point in my life, my weight had fluctuated, but not too greatly because I was always pretty active. And, in fact, before I met my husband to be...I was in really good shape. So, here is my new life in Phoenix and I'm not sure what to do.

It took quite a few years, but I became the heaviest weight I have ever been. In fact, at the pinnacle of my weight, I got married. I had the best time ever on the day of my wedding. It was awesome! But, when I saw the photos, I was heartbroken inside. How did I get like this? How did the cross country running, tennis playing, roller skating, ocean swimming athlete that I was inside end up looking like this on the outside?

So, more than 2 years ago, my husband and I joined Weight Watchers together. I lost 30 pounds just in the first 4 months and then I plateaued. I kept on keeping on for a year and didn't gain any weight, but I didn't lose any either. I was pretty happy. I looked like a normal person in my photos when we went on vacation in Thailand. But, I still had more to lose.

Last year, we stopped going to Weight Watchers because we didn't seem to be getting anything from it anymore. I needed to do this on my own now. I needed to push myself. I started making a commitment to workout three days each week. It happened for a while, but not consistently enough. I needed to turn my routine upside down. I needed to be focused and determined. I could do this!

December 2008, I became a vegetarian again. After thinking about it for a while, struggling with stomach problems, and reading books on vegetarianism, I knew this was what I needed to do. Along with kicking hormone-and-calorie-ladened meat to the curb, I also began to work out more consistently and only eat when I was hunger. Yes, a strange concept, but only when I was hungry and I only ate what I needed to satisfy that hunger. It is a lot less food than what I used to stuff into my body. I eat too much now and I feel horrible. I have it down. And, at this point, I have lost about 45 pounds.

This leads us up to yesterday. Kind of. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a rock and roll show with friends. One of them commented on how baggy my jeans were..."I think it is time for you to get a new pair." I was in denial. It was impossible that I could be wearing something smaller than a size 12. I had been wearing a 12 for the last year.

So, last weekend, I went into Old Navy, picked up a pair of size 10 jeans and tried them on. Yes, they fit. But, you know it is Old Navy and they are stretchy. I was excited about having a 10 on my body (okay, I cried in the dressing room), but still discounted it a bit.

Okay, now we are on yesterday. So, we are shopping for shorts and my friend says, we should go to Ann Taylor and J Crew. They have the best shorts. Okay. I am thinking to myself that I will have to get 12s at these stores. They are stores that cater to thin, good-looking people.

As we perused the racks, I did pick up 10s at Ann Taylor, all along thinking I will get to the dressing room, they won't fit and I will have to go back out and get 12s.

"Holy crap, they fit!"

I said it loudly from my dressing room. A lady next to me giggled and my friend, Felice, came out to see what I was talking about. "Let me see."

I had on a pair of shorts and they said 10 on the tag. What the heck?? I tried a few pairs of shorts and pants and each time they fit. Wow! I ended up buying a size 10jean skirt and a couple of t-shirts.

So, we walk down to J Crew. I look for bermuda shorts and they don't have a 10 in the khaki. "Oh, let's see if they can find them for us," says Felice. Do we have to hassle the salesperson to get something that will not fit me? I looked at a hot pink pair of shorts in a 10 and they look too small for me.

The salesperson emerges with a couple pair of shorts in a 10 and I go in to try them on.

"Okay, this is freaking crazy!"

"What?" says Felice.

"These fit too."

At this point, she is kind of laughing at me.

"Cynde, you have been working really hard to lose the weight and you look great."

I am still in astonishment today and can't believe that I was talking to my husband last night about having a goal of wearing a size 8 when we go to see Depeche Mode in August. Part of me thinks that it will be impossible, but there is a part of me that thinks I can do it.

I mean....holy crap! They fit!

Strings

Every note, every chord
it plays upon my heart

The music reaches in
plucking my very soul

What is this power?
What is this intensity that
takes over me?

A sustaining note
A power chord
A short ping as the artist's fingers
go down the strings, changing the chord

Deep down
I long to be that guitar
Singing with a clear voice
out into the dark night
filling the world with a joy and light

Emotion and energy
all created from strings

Strings right to my core

Nothing in Particular

...yes, nothing in particular. This is very important. So, be sure to pull out your notepads.

I am sitting in my quiet house, listening to semi-sad music. Darn adorable couple from the movie, Once. They made an album and I am addicted to it. It is along the lines of Sarah McLachlan. That perfect CD for a candlelit bath for one. Maybe a few healthy tears and then laying on your bed staring up at the ceiling. Yeah, it's like that.

It's a Sunday night and I am working on some things I need for work tomorrow. I am beat. Busy busy weekend. Great fun, but it was exhausting. Why do I do that to myself?

Well, I was missing my blog. I feel like I have been cheating on it with Twitter (and maybe I mentioned this previously). Twitter is so easy and spontaneous. I love how it lets me purge the crazy thoughts that are filling my brain at the moment.

A few things I am excited about at the moment...seeing Styx (yes, Styx) on Friday night. They are quite fun to see and I am going with some wonderful friends.

Another exciting happening...Ry and I signed up for ballroom dancing through the city. I have taken so many classes with the city's park and rec department. We have seven weeks of learning tango, foxtrot, swing, tango and a couple others. It is built-in date night.

And, then there is going to L.A. in August to see Dave Gahan in his t-shirt and tight jeans...ahem...I mean to see Depeche Mode play at the Hollywood Bowl. Thinking about the concert, I feel like I am in high school again. It makes my stomach get all crazy and excited. Love it!

What else is on my mind? I miss Rachel. Where are you when I am bored out of my mind? Or, when I am having lunch with someone who just doesn't know how to have as much fun as we do? This certainly isn't your fault. I moved to this desert 10 years ago. And, not that it wasn't a good move...look at all I have been able to do. But, it doesn't make me miss you any less. Some days I really do feel like you have the other half of my brain. Your friendship is such a blessing.

Sorry, this is what happens when I just write whatever comes into my head. And, this music isn't helping any. Perhaps I need to plan a trip to Cali to have a girls' weekend with Miss Rachel. A wacky weekend...oooh, maybe in San Diego?? I think I need to call Rachel tomorrow to hatch a plan.

Okay, back to work. I am pretty sure I want to go to bed at 9 p.m. tonight.

postscript...
Music favorites at the moment...Andrew Bird, used Powderfinger CD I found at Zia, and oldies.

Resolution for the week -- I will be positive and all around pleased with myself. A rarity, indeed, but I think I am worth it this week. Right??

There is a Free Spirit in Here

This afternoon, I had lunch with a friend. We were talking about being driven and methodical. I always thought that was me. A Type A who had to be in control and always have things done in a just-so kind of way. But, I know there is a free spirit in here -- deep inside me.

I actually feel more comfortable giving over to the free-spirited side of myself. I tend to be happier and experience new things that give my life a new depth and understanding. But, the Type A, scheduled side of me needs to rule when it comes to work and finances. I don't know how to do things without having them done in a subscribed specific way.

I admit, I probably gave into that Type A side of myself more often when I got out of college. I felt like I needed to be more alert, more serious. But, it is my husband and the travels we have had that show me that there is a balance.

I can find a happy medium and this is what I have found to be true. When I am stressed and there is a lot going on that needs my detail-oriented, analytical, calculating brain...then I have Miss Type A ruling my action. But, when I happy, comfortable with me and stress-free...I have the care free hippie that is delighted in the world.

Do others have this duplicity?

On another note....currently reading, Reading Lolita in Tehran and currently listening to a lot of opera (probably to keep the free spirit motivated and harmonious at work).

Recently saw Franz Ferdinand at The Marquee in town. What a fantastic show. Full of energy and wonderful guitar. We really enjoyed seeing this Scottish band. It was our way of being at Coachella for only an hour. We had planned to go to the music festival this year, but the cost was just too much. Perhaps next year?

Time of Reflection

Last Wednesday was the beginning of Lent. I had been thinking, thinking days before Ash Wednesday about what I was going to give up for forty days. And, of course, I decided on Tuesday that I would give up bread so that I would give up something that would help me lose weight.

While we sat in the pew at church, the smell of wax in the air, I listened to our pastor talk about Lent and the sign of the cross. Lent isn't just about sacrifice...it should be about giving back. I knew that this Lent would be the time when I would put aside myself and think about what more I can do for my community. That decision opened up my heart more and I felt something small inside that told me this is what the season is about. Hmmm, can someone say holy spirit? I think so.

I have been journaling about my Lent goal since Wednesday. I am very excited to say that I have done two things so far toward this goal. I am signing up for a Habitat for Humanity project. And, I RSVP'd for volunteer orientation with Free Arts of Arizona -- one of my favorite charities. Thinking about putting up sheetrock in a house and planting flowers for someone who has been dreaming of their own home makes my heart flutter. Looking forward to getting through orientation and the whole process for Free Arts so that I am doing art projects with kids in-need. I am elated and ecstatic for it to begin.

How many more days do I have to go? I have a wonderful feeling about Lent this year. Easter may actually be the rejuvenating time for me that it is meant to be.

I know I don't write too many blog entries about my faith. I think it is because it is such a personal thing for me. It is my heart in many ways. But, tonight I felt inspired to write about how the holy spirit is working in my life at the moment. The Lord truly is great! God Bless everyone.

The Evolution of Relationships and Other Ponderings

Tonight, I was reading a book and my mind started to wander. Ever sit back and think about the evolution of the relationships you have with other people? I have close friendships with people who only a year ago were simple acquaintances. After, we found out we were fellow foodies, we started to go out to dinner together one time a month. Now, we are all so close and we confide in one another much more often.

Then, there are those people who are tried and true friends. You may not talk all the time, but you can count on them always. You may not talk for a month, but when you do connect, it was as if the time never passed. I am so blessed to have a few of these type of friends. They are awesome!

There are other friends who just exist. I am beginning to wonder if these should be counted among friends. You just run into them once in a while and when you do there is a small connection, but of nothing consequential or deep. But, they confide in you once in a while, look to you for wisdom and also ask for the occasional house-sitting stint. How would these friends classify?

The last type of friend is someone who fades in and out of your life, remaining a constant of sorts. You always know they are there and may forget about them for a bit because it has been a year or so since you have chatted, but somehow your paths cross again. There is a comfort almost to these type of friends; there are you-friendly people out there.

Ridiculous rambling, I know. And, perhaps not the most eloquent of entries. But, these are ponderings.

Some other random ponderings...why are jigsaw puzzles so wonderfully fun? Even when you are working on a 1000-piece puzzle until 5 a.m.? Yes, this very scenario occurred to me this weekend and it was so fun! Does this mean I'm a nerd?

Why does England have to be such a wonderful country? I read about London and I get goosebumps. I listen to Scottish music and I have to sigh with glee. I think that perhaps I am destined to live there.

And, why, oh, why...do grape slushes from Sonic have to be so tasty??

Current read: Through a Glass Darkly by Karleen Koen

Current music obsession: Glasvegas