Friday, February 19, 2010

Olympic Addict and Other Thoughts

I am officially addicted to the Winter Olympics. Every night this week I have stayed up late watching snowboarding, ice skating and downhill. Love it! And, it is inspiring me to get my skates back on. I miss the freedom of jumps and spins. The artistic expression of skating to music. The way that it spoke to my heart and soul. It was a part of me so long, I have been thinking that it is amazing how easy it was to walk away from it all. I have also been thinking that perhaps my pursuit for Lent this year will be to pursue a place to do some roller skating again. Hmm? Could be interesting.

Other thoughts...looking forward to seeing Ozzy Osbourne tomorrow in the middle of a lovely day. Artist's Haven in the morning - time to create and write - and a friend's bridal shower.

Why oh why do I have to get a head shot? I am excited to have been honored with a local recognition that says I am a young professional making a difference in the community. But, a head shot? Really? I will be attempting to get one done this weekend. blah.

And, when will I get the chance to go and see James McAvoy in The Last Train Station? I have seen the previews for the past six months and it makes my heart skip a beat every time. No disrespect to my gorgeous husband, but there is something so yummy about Mr. McAvoy.

Current Read: Eat Love Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert (nope, now that one).

Current Music: Rush, Alice in Chains and Jet...a bit of old school rock, grunge and new rock.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Compelled....but unsure what to write

I feel compelled to write this morning, but frankly I am unsure what I should write about.

The last two months have been overwhelming, painful, wonderful and satisfying...all at the same time.

It might be cathartic to write about the overwhelming and painful parts, but I don't know if I want to peel the scab off yet. I am definitely still healing. They are still bubbling up at the surface and I want to push them down where they can be managed. Anyone have a Tums?

Let's concentrate on the wonderful and satisfying (overwhelming will tie into this a bit).

Wonderful? Wonderful because I have a fantastic husband who has been a rock through all of the overwhelming and painful stuff. Wow...his love for me amazes me everytime. After 12 hours at work, for the fifth day in a row (yep, the overwhelming part), he will just wrap me up in his arms and tell me everything will be fine.

On Monday, I had a day that was beyond overwhelming...I couldn't stop crying at the end of it because it had been an insane roller coaster of emotions and intensity in the office. He was waiting when I got home with a kiss and a hug. He helped me into my pajamas (don't you love flannel?) and then sat me down on the couch to breathe. I cried a bit more in his arms, and then he made sure I was fine where I was (with a stay put and don't fall off the ledge look) and made me something to eat. His love just pushed all of the other stuff away. I am a lucky girl. I am so very blessed. I see his smile and everything melts away. He lets me be me...truly me. And, he loves all of the quirks and oddities about me. As long as we have been together, the flutter in my heart has never gone away when he is near. He is just wonderful!

Satisfying? With all of the craziness that is going on at work, all the late nights, early mornings, weekends, and long meetings, I am so very satisfied. It can be a bit draining, but satisfaction and being proud of what I do can trump that any day. Hearing the CEO tell me that we just held the best event we have ever had...feels fantastic. Hearing how much money we were able to raise and all of the glowing feedback...feels great. Seeing the recognition on someone's face that you are helping their program reach new levels of community understanding...feels so good. I see that I am making a difference in my organization and it is satisfying.

And, beyond where I work, there are the other places where I am investing time and talent. The organizations where I satisfying to see the difference I can make.

Through all of the overwhelming and painful stuff since Christmas, the satisfying and wonderful stuff is helping me get through it all.

Want to hear something ridiculous? Today is the first day I have had since December with no commitments, no work to do, and I have no idea what to do with myself. I am feeling a little anxiety over the lack of rush and run. What to do?

The only appointment on my calendar today is lunch with my husband. Wonderful!