I warn any reader of this blog...it will seem pathetic and probably a little too dramatic.
This has been a day full of stress and strong emotions. Anytime a song makes me sob or when I come home and just want to curl up into a ball...things can't be good. That was today.
It wasn't so much that the day was horrible and horrendous. It was more like it was bad enough to finally break the dam of feelings I have been storing up over the last couple of weeks. And, of course, today when the dam broke...I was alone. My poor husband sat on the other end of the phone, helpless, as I cried my eyes out.
Why is it these moments overtake us? Why is it that at this moment my chest feels as it if will collapse and crush my heart? The hurt is so deep. The stress is reaching inside and no matter how much I fight it, it is all taking over. I am thinking right now that a bath and some Loreena McKennitt may be the best cure. A little bit of time that let's me wallow in my misery...that is what I need.
The irony is that earlier, I was thinking about how blessed my life is. I was, of course, tallying up the things that I considered a blessing in order to counter the evil thoughts and tears that come from a stressful day. I was trying so hard to conquer and fight off the negatives that had been lurking around the corners.
But, after a visit to the vet, hearing about my dog's decreasing health...the tears hit the cheeks and my chest was ripped open. So, I am pathetically watching sitcoms in order to cheer myself up. The bathtub is definitely a better option.
Sadness...an emotion that I don't like to feel...especially when the one person who truly understands me if not here.
At least it will only be one evening instead an entire day. Let's hope.
1 month ago