I Surrender

For the last week, I have been working from home and waiting for the baby to start that chemical chain reaction that we commonly call, labor. With me being at 39 weeks, I have also learned to surrender a bit of my independence.

If you read the last couple of blogs, you will know the baby is sitting pretty low, in the head-down position. And, I have been dilated and effaced for the last two weeks. This Tuesday, I was told that my cervix had thinned even more and I had dilated another centimeter. I am now dilated to 4 centimeters, almost half of what is needed to deliver, without pain or strong contractions. I impressed the heck out of the doctor. But, these developments have meant a bit of surrender on my part (it's been difficult for this indepedent lady).

First thing to surrender - driving my manual shift car. With the baby so low, it is not comfortable to drive a stick shift car. Anyone who has a manual, put a small ball between your thighs and try driving. Yeah, it's like that. I have now become a bit dependent on others to give me a ride to get out of the house or run errands. Big thank you to my two awesome parents for shuttling me a couple of times in the last week.

Surrender number two - the ability to move freely. I have a small watermelon in my belly, and although I can still make it at my yoga class, it is near impossible to lean forward. Dropping something on the floor or even just putting lotion on my feet becomes a strange contortion routine. Thank goodness, yoga has made my legs and core strong enough I can squat all the way down to the floor with confidence (this is how I am able to pick up most things from the floor).

Surrender number three -- the ability to work in the office. As I mentioned, I have been working from home. The discomfort of the baby makes it difficult to work in the office (see the next surrender). The commute and the distance from work to home is also a concern when considering I could go into labor at any time. It was the doctor at work who told me...don't come into the office if you are dilated 3 centimeters. I also need the flexibility to rest when needed. Carrying around seven pounds of baby in my abdomen is exhausting at the end of the day. It also gives me peace of mind to know my husband is only 15 minutes away from the house and the hospital is only ten minutes away.

Surrender number four - sitting in a chair with a hard surface. Yes, a baby's head is lodged low in my pelvis, sitting in a chair is very uncomfortable. Thank goodness for the wonderful invention that we call a stability ball - a large ball to sit on for core exercises. This ball has been my friend throughout pregnancy, but never more so now than when I need to sit down for a while. It has become my new work chair.

Surrender number five - the freedom to just do whatever chore I desire to do around the house. Without the commute in the morning and afternoon, I am able to get a few more things done around the house before and after putting in a full day of work. However, what I am able to do is greatly limited. I have done a lot of laundry, vacuuming and dusting. But, I can't answer that itch that wants to pull the weeds in the front yard that have sprung up since it rained. I can't start moving heavy boxes around in my art room in order to do further organizing. I can't lug the carpet cleaner out. I am sticking to light activity chores and sucking it up on the other stuff.

I know that many dream of being a princess in a castle, being waited on. I was never one of those who had that dream; I am always on the go, keeping busy. I like the feeling of accomplishment when I have completed something. I like the ache that comes from doing a day's work around the house.

I have been humbled in the last week, keeping my pride and independence in check while I wait for the baby to make its way into the world. Baby Dragon, for you, I surrender.