Monday, May 19, 2008

Little Sister

When you were born, you were the angel I stood in awe of. When you opened your wide green eyes, I instantly had a smile upon my face. I thought that mom had given birth to you for my enjoyment and mothering. You were mine.

I could never coo or giggle at you enough. And holding you or dressing you was a treat that made me feel as though there couldn't be anything better in the world.

As we grew up, the four years difference between us left indeliable impressions on us both. You kept me young, my imagination bright and life vivid. How often I think of our treks to the toy store with our amassed allowance-based wealth in our pockets in order to buy a Jem doll kingdom, simple puzzle puzzle or sparkling bubbles (it always depended on how wealthy we were on that visit).

I taught you to appreciate who you are and grasp out beyond your bounds in order to grow and thrive. Question everything in the universe as you grow older. And, you did. Your riotous romp into teenager-adult territory was a proud time for me. Even when you came home at 3 a.m. after a night out with friends, I admired your independence and tenacity as a mother hen would of its chick. Along the way, I also like to think that I showed you how to listen to music and appreciate art. Or, at least I hope I did.

As I explored my life and tries to put myself together in college, a chasm grew between us. I guess it was inevitable. But, we were always there for one another, even when we felt as though we spoke two separate languages. We had a subconscious bond that grounded us. Unspoken love, respect and affection can reach fathoms inside.

When I left for another state, a new life and a future with a spouse and a job, you became my baby sister again. Your visits to the house brought back all of the old ties that bound us together as sisters. We laughed, explored and traveled together. we had fun. I cherish every moment because it was like I was walking with you to the toy store again.

We've continued to grow close even with so much distance. We are learning new things from one another. I am learning from you resilence, strength, and the ability to make life work out when it doesn't go as planned. You have a baby now and he is fighting to stay alive. You are by his side fighting along with him. Your heart broke when you lost the other child you bore. You mourned his loss and then took strength in the baby that is still here. No one's life is perfect, but you make it all work. You are content with the beautiful messes we are all handed day to day.

Little sister, your life and lessons are just now truly beginning. And, it hasn't been easy; not the princess-and-the-pea life I had always dreamed for you. But, I hope that what you have learned from your family helps you through. I hope my love and constancy is a source of strength. And, I hope you see that you have a huge fan, a big sister, who admires you and all you have little sister.

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