One more post...a thank you!

January was also our first wedding anniversary. And, I am the luckiest woman on the planet. My husband couldn't have made a more perfect day. We went to church, as we do every Sunday, and we enjoyed the little secret that this was our special day. The only person we shared it with was our favorite pastor (Deanne, you are dear to us).

Then, we were off to the Biltmore for brunch at Christopher's Fermier. What a delightful secret we continued that day. The restaurant was empty and waiting for us to sit down to delicious french coffee and a fresh pastry.

After brunch, we headed downtown. And, I was utterly clueless as to the surprise that lay before me. We parked just outside of Phoenix Symphony Hall, lucky to get a close parking space on the street. We walked up the stairs and Ryan had us wait in line for our will call tickets.

Perfection! That is the only way I can describe what we heard and saw. The symphony was playing The Beatles. Oh, I was so excited. We sat in our chairs, waiting for the lights to dim...I hold Ryan's hand tightly in anticipation.

When the symphony played the intro of the program with a musical collage of Beatles music, tears of happiness welled up in my eyes. Every singing string reverberated through my heart. I am positive that I was glowing inside out. I was so giddy just with the intro, and then the impersonators came out. I don't care that they weren't the real thing. It was the closest I would ever get to see my favorite band play and it was incredible. The strings and horns of the symphony in the background with the authentic-sounding voices of the band. It was pure bliss. I couldn't help, but jump out of my seat a bit when they started to play Eleanor Rigby. And, then when Hear Comes the Sun echoed throughout the hall, tears streamed down my face. The most beautiful song I will ever know. So sweet, so gentle...and the violins made it all the more precious.

I still have that concert in my thoughts every time I listen to The Beatles on my iPod or car stereo. Boy, was I born at the wrong time! I would have loved to be a screaming fan, fainting at the sight of my favorite Beatle band member, George Harrison. I got to live a bit of that in one afternoon.

Thank you, Ryan. It is a memory I will always treasure.

Saving Fish From Drowning...and, Treasure Island

Since I am trying to catch on my blog tonight. I thought I would put together a review of the books I have recently read.

First, Saving Fish From Drowning by Amy Tan. If you have never read her books, she is brilliant in her language. She has the gift to take you deep inside a character and see with their eyes. This book takes place mostly in forbidden Burma, now Myanmar (an interesting topic for me since I was in Thailand and near the border). This book certainly had a unique narrator; a character who is killed at the beginning. She was to take a group on a cultural tour to Burma and the group decides to go even though she has died...it is in her honor. Well, the dead tour leader fills us in on her life and her friends. The voice is one of that perfect party friend that whispers tidbits of gossip into your ear. Just the voice of the book will keep the reader interested. I must say that it was the last third of the book that almost seemed outlandish because of what happens to the travelers. But, as I ponder this part of the book a little more, I have decided it is so outlandish because it revolves around ideas so foreign to me as an American. I have come to like the book as a whole. I would also highly recommend The Bonesetter's Daughter. That is a lovely, lovely book.

The other book I read recently was Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson. Since our trip to Tahiti and my discovery of Mutiny on the Bounty, I have been enthralled with books about ships and uncharted waters. I am sure I read this book when I was younger, but I can't remember being so drawn into the incredible adventure of this book. I was in Jim Hawkins shoes the whole time, enjoying the bravery of being amongst pirates on a caribbean island. As I read, I also realized that this was the book that inspired Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean. It is also the book that inspired the restaurant Long John Silver (that can be slightly distracting when you first start to read). If you like adventure and reading about fantastical places...you will love this book. Then, read Mutiny and Blue Latitude. It will be hard not to feel the salty breeze on your face and the fine white sand between your toes. This is what a good book should be -- an escape from the real world.

Catching up with Cynde...

Wow! It has been a long time. I am ashamed to see how much I have neglected my precious blog. But, I guess that is what happens when life gets in the way. And, it really has gotten in the way lately...in a glorious way.

Let's see...January was a mixture of horrible, horrible, horrible, and wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. The month started off with facing the reality of troubled finances at work so a few staff had to be laid off to ease the financial burden. I had to move one staff person to another department and then let another go. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my career...looking into the face of a staff person and tell them they are no longer needed. What a pain to my heart! It was hard to sleep for quite a while. Ah, Cynde, welcome to the world of the director. It can really suck. I am happy to say that the staff person who was laid off has a terrific new job as a director at another nonprofit organization. Truth be told, she was too good for the position she was in and very unhappy.

In the middle of the month of January, my husband and I were off to Thailand. Thailand, itself, is an entire week of posts in this blog. What a beautiful country. The people are so kind and peaceful. I have never been to a place that has so much relaxing rest, which is amazing considering all of the people who live there. The rivers, vast green lands spotted with rice paddies, mountains, exotic fruit trees...the landscape was so serene, yet almost alien compared to the desert in which I live. And, the food was amazing. We experienced so many new kinds of foods...most of them purchased from open air evening markets.

The most wondrous part of the trip was the act of sharing it with my husband. We took in every part of the country and then savored it together. The trip was also filled with talk of the future. This was decidedly our last big trip for a couple of years because this was the year to start trying to have a baby. A baby. Wow. Such an amazing feeling to face to an ever-changing future with the suprise and joy of a child. Or, two. Or, if you are my husband...five. Lord, help me if we have five children.

Are we ready? Yes, most definitely, yes. We have never felt more ready for anything in life. We are giddy with the prospect. We can already smell the baby powder in the air, hear the precious coo, see the lovely smile of a child. What a wonderful gift God has given us. And, I have never felt more blessed in my life. A perfect husband who loves and cares for me with all his heart. Parents who are so supportive and prepared to be grandparents. Friends who surround me with their love and laughter. I have a house, good job, and a church family. Blessed. That is the only word that describes my life right now.

Blessed and so incredibly happy. Life has slowed enough to let my family breathe. No traumas, no illnesses, nothing to take away from the nirvana I seem to be experiencing.

Oh, and one last thing...I am off blood pressure medicine. After 8 years of fighting with my blood pressure...I have won the battle.

Life sure is good.

Evening of Overwhelming Sadness

I warn any reader of this blog...it will seem pathetic and probably a little too dramatic.

This has been a day full of stress and strong emotions. Anytime a song makes me sob or when I come home and just want to curl up into a ball...things can't be good. That was today.

It wasn't so much that the day was horrible and horrendous. It was more like it was bad enough to finally break the dam of feelings I have been storing up over the last couple of weeks. And, of course, today when the dam broke...I was alone. My poor husband sat on the other end of the phone, helpless, as I cried my eyes out.

Why is it these moments overtake us? Why is it that at this moment my chest feels as it if will collapse and crush my heart? The hurt is so deep. The stress is reaching inside and no matter how much I fight it, it is all taking over. I am thinking right now that a bath and some Loreena McKennitt may be the best cure. A little bit of time that let's me wallow in my misery...that is what I need.

The irony is that earlier, I was thinking about how blessed my life is. I was, of course, tallying up the things that I considered a blessing in order to counter the evil thoughts and tears that come from a stressful day. I was trying so hard to conquer and fight off the negatives that had been lurking around the corners.

But, after a visit to the vet, hearing about my dog's decreasing health...the tears hit the cheeks and my chest was ripped open. So, I am pathetically watching sitcoms in order to cheer myself up. The bathtub is definitely a better option.

Sadness...an emotion that I don't like to feel...especially when the one person who truly understands me if not here.

At least it will only be one evening instead an entire day. Let's hope.

Pangs of Separation

Separation. It is such a simple word, but it has such a complex context. It has meaning for me this week because my husband is in Texas and the separation is horrible. Yes, perhaps the whining and complaining is pathetic because it is only two weeks out of the year. And, I have endured absences that were much longer. But, this time seems exceptionally excruciating.

I thought it would be a little easier because my parents, snowbirds to the area, are in town so I have people to help me fill my time and provide a bit of solace. Their presence just makes it all the more apparent that my other half is missing.

At the beginning of the week, he sounded so chipper on the phone. He was enjoying the time in a new city and was eager to explore. As days wore on...his voice became less joyful and upbeat. Tonight he sounded miserable. His only motivation seems to be that each passing day brings him closer to being home.

Being away from the one person who makes you feel whole is probably one of the most difficult things...it seems to be putting me at an emotional disadvantage with everything. Even corny advertisements on TV evoke tears or exaggerated laughter.

There is nothing more wonderful than having a strong connection to your soulmate, but there can also be nothing more painful.

On a lighter note....current books...

"Owl and Moon Cafe" by Jo Ann Mapson
"Frangipani" by Celestine Vaite

Music...Anne McCue. A talented Aussie singer-songwriter who expresses a gritty truth with her lyrics. And, she brings back a rich pure guitar sound reminiscent of classic country and 70's rock.

Cowboys and Grit

I read a lot of books for two reasons...to help me escape and to inspire me as a writer. I am just getting to the last few short stories in the book Close Range by Annie Proulx and I have never felt more motivated to hone my writing skills. Her writing is brilliance.

Close Range is a compilation of short stories written about Wyoming, the tough gritty state that seems far removed from many of us, especially those of us who are city dwellers. She describes a place that is all at once wide and open, yet small enough that people constantly intersect one another. The center of her stories is the cowboy. Her words are not only picture-painting, but also melodic. Taking a cue from a writing professor I had in the past, I read some of her work aloud and it was like honey dripping from my tongue. She chose words so perfectly that sentences were more than just a string syllables, they were short symphonies. I told a friend earlier today that her writing was so delectable, I wanted to lick the pages just to savor them a bit more.

I am looking forward to the last story in this collection because it is the famed "Brokeback Mountain." I want to see the poetic prose that inspired such an emotional and powerful movie. Some of my favorite stories in this book are: "The Mud Below" and "The Bunchgrass Edge of the World." Both have characters that are endearing, instantly gained my sympathy and attention. The story, "The Blood Bay" is only a couple of pages, but is written as urban legend, as if passed down from cowboy to cowboy when told around a campfire.

I will definitely be reading more of her books. Proulx has a second volume of Wyoming stories that I plan on checking out from the library and a friend has recommended The Shipping News.

The next book on my list is a compilation of nonfiction stories written about Thailand. We are considering going in the Spring and I find that the observations and tidbits discovered by travel writers can give the true flavor of a place. I am looking forward to exploring the exotic in the book's pages.

The Perfect Day

For most people, the weekend is the time they catch up on laundry, errands, and anything not done during the week. It also serves as the perfect two-day "vacation" for quality time with loved ones. The usual weekend is two days, but for me the weekend never starts until Sunday. Sunday is my perfect day.

While Ryan works on Saturdays, I run errands and get caught up from a busy week. I can't wait for Sunday; that's the day when I can relax and spend time with my husband. It is my favorite day of the week. It starts with a meditative morning at church and then usually we go to brunch. The remainder of the day is spent watching a movie, going to a museum, exploring some place new, or just enjoying quiet time at the house. It is the moments when we walk around hand-in-hand and when we play trivia on Ryan's cell phone while we wait for the movie to start that I know we are perfectly matched. He makes me laugh. Only with him do I feel sunshine radiate within me.

It doesn't take much to make the day special, in fact is the simplest things that make me the happiest on a Sunday. I dread the end of the day because it means Monday will be here before I know it and I will have to wait another week for my favorite day. We will have the evenings when we can catch up fopr a couple of hours after work and before a class or other commitment. We can chat and enjoy time together over a quick dinner, but it is never like Sunday. It is on Sunday that we are able to finally just bask in one another and the love we have for one another. Is everyone blessed with this kind of day? Does everyone have the perfect day?

Most recent books:
"Female Troubles" a compilation of short stories by Antonya Nelson
"Interpreter of Maladies" a compilation of short stories by Jhumpa Lahiri
"Wyoming Stories" a compilation of short stories by Annie Proulx

Music:
"Union Street" by Erasure (great unplugged performance of some of their best songs)