I'm Sensing a Disturbance in the Force

Pregnancy has been a new adventure. When I saw the plus sign, pregnancy was an alien state to me. My closest friends don't have children. If they do have children, they already had them when I met them...or, they had them in another state or country. A little perspective: my sister's baby shower is the only baby shower I have been to in 20 years. Babies were not a discussion topic around the table when I met with friends, except perhaps the occasional, "How is the baby-making going?"

With this all being said, being the knowledge-seeking person I am, I began doing research by reading books about pregnancy. The most helpful (and, don't laugh) has been What to Expect When Expecting. The book breaks everything down, month by month. And, the information is fascinating. The fact that we all walk, talk, breathe, dance, sing, basically do the things we do has become so amazing to me when you consider that we all started out as a fertilized egg. And, the way we develop so quickly...again, amazing!

Well, while reading the book, it tells me that in my fourth month, I may begin to feel the baby moving. Um, excuse me? Move? Okay, this is the stuff of sci fi movies, right? And, why don't other women who have been pregnant tell you about this?

It was about week 17 when I felt the first flutter in my abdomen. It wasn't gas. No, definitely not. It was different. Kind of like a butterfly or feather inside my tummy. The next week, it felt more like a gentle nudge from inside; someone very lightly poking me. My reaction? "Luke, I'm sensing a disturbance in the force." (yes, more talking to my tummy...I think this may have been when I started talking to my tummy more frequently in fact)

By week 20, the nudges were more frequent and more prominent. And, they seemed to occur on a schedule - 3:30 a.m., 7:30 a.m., 1 p.m., 4:30 p.m., 8 p.m., 11:30 p.m. When I talked to the doctor about this, she told me very nonchalantly, and with all seriousness, that the baby was already training me. me: "Training me for what?" doc: "Feeding and taking care of it." me: "Oh? (pause) Oh!"

The movement hasn't always been a nudge, there were also somersaults or a rolling motion from week 18 through week 24. Imagine how your stomach feels when you are on a roller coaster plummeting toward the ground. Yeah, that feeling. It almost knocked me on my butt one day when I went running.

Right now, that little water dragon of ours is beginning to lose the space to do somersaults and move around with ease. At 25 weeks and 4 days, he or she is a little more than 1.5 pounds and nine inches long. And, with it losing space to move around, that also means that over the last three weeks, the movement is definitely more noticeable, more frequent and stronger. This little one is active! We think that perhaps he or she will take up karate or soccer. These little kicks can now be felt when I put my hand on my abdomen and they must be something akin to a roundhouse kick.

Having physicians and nurses in the building where I work has been helpful. They assure me that all of this crazy movement is a good thing. One of them told me that it shouldn't surprise me - active mom, active baby.

So, it isn't just a disturbance in the force, but it still is taking me some time to get used to. Those little kicks are reassuring that my little dragon is growing and healthy..and, for me, that is what is most important.

P.S. We'll keep you posted if our little one becomes a karate champion or World Cup Footballer.

Adventures in Searching for Daycare

Although our child is still "loading," there is so much to do to prepare for its arrival in this world. And, the preparation goes beyond having the essentials, like a bed to sleep in, diapers, clothing. One of these essentials is infant daycare. And, boy, we are finding it is a doozy of an effort.

As a full-time working woman, I am taking maternity leave, but then will be heading back to work full-time. I commute more than 20 miles to work so we are searching for a daycare nearby the office so I can check on the baby and breastfeed during day. The first obstacle and narrowing of the search - proxmity to the office.

We will not be using daycare every day of the week because my husband is home part of the week. Wonderful savings, right? Perhaps. As long as the daycare will even consider taking a child part-time, aka not a full five days. I have discovered that daycares don't really like to take children less than 5 days a week. Infants especially. Obstacle number two - willingness to take a child part-time.

Of course, we want the best for a our child. A licensed, up-to-date, clean, safe environment. Shouldn't be too much to ask. Luckily our state has a department that monitors child care facilities to ensure they are staying current with safety and health requirements - and they post each site's report online. But, when viewing the latest visits to some of the sites, my throat seized up and anxiety snuck up on me. Some locations had 17 to as many as 30 violations. EEk! Obstacle number three - safe and licensed provider.

When you put just these three obstacles together, the choices are significantly limited. How do parents do this? I am afraid to add my other wish list items -- national certification, leans toward the organic in cleaning supplies, caregivers have degrees in child development. Is my wish list unrealistic? I emailed a fellow executive mom and she is also in the process of searching for a daycare. We shared tips and findings. Knowing I have a comrade in this search has helped, but my anxiety hasn't lessened. Thank goodness, I am 25 weeks right now. We still have some time.

We are touring a daycare next week and then plan to tour two or three more for comparison. I am sure everything will work out -- these things usually do. But, in the meantime, I am attempting to tackle this little adventure one step at a time without the use of relaxation techniques learned in yoga.

I didn't even think about the search for a pediatrician today (this might have sent me over the edge).

Talk to the Belly

I am amazed at the love I am feeling already for this little being growing inside me. I am 23 weeks into my pregnancy and our little Baby Dragon (yes, that is our nickname for our little one) has already endeared herself or himself to us. We have already given the baby some personality traits based on its activity throughout the day (boy, this baby moves) and its bit of attitude when we go in for ultrasounds. But, most interesting is that the baby's presence is so strong already that we talk to him or her quite often.

It isn't uncommon for me to talk to the baby in the mornings as I get ready for work. Wandering around the house, I find myself telling him or her about what I am doing and my to-do list for the day. It is just second nature.

"Mommy is feeding the cat. Hear her meowing. She is so silly. And, then we will eat some breakfast."

I also sing in the car (well, I did this before I was pregnant) and will talk to the baby about the song that is playing.

"Oh, mommy loves this song. She and daddy danced to it at their wedding. Daddy was so handsome."

But, then in a moment I stop myself and look around me. It seems a bit crazy what I'm doing. I'm talking to my still-developing baby while it's in my belly. Is it crazy?

They say that right now the baby's ears are developed and can hear sounds from outside. One of the things that attaches a baby to its mother and father are their voices. After hearing these voices from inside the womb, they are comforting and familiar to the baby right after it is delivered. Quite amazing.

Of course this understanding of the baby's listening ability is also what prompts parents-to-be to purchase little speakers that can be put on the mother's belly with the other end attached to an iPod. If you want your child to be cultured, why not start now? How about a little Mozart through the mini-speakers? Or, I have also seen a small device that supposedly emits noises that are aiding in your developing child's learning ability. You can give birth to your child and immediately give it an IQ test and begin to pick out colleges-- it's been learning all this time (I'm being sarcastic, but the ads practically claim this)!

Every week I read about the baby's development and what he or she is able to do. Only 23 weeks ago, there wasn't even a fetus in my body, but now there is a being with moving hands and feet, a beating heart, little lips that are already suckling, and ears that hear what I'm saying.

Although I may give pause to whether I seem a bit off for talking to my belly...I know I am going to keep doing it. As much as it is comforting to the baby inside, it's also comforting to me.

So don't mind the lady talking to her ever-expanding belly. She's just doing a little bonding with her baby.

Just a note: The photo - not my belly.

Surrounded by Love

As I was stretching and doing my morning breathing meditation, I let my mind wander to all of the love that surrounds me. I have always considered myself very blessed by the amazing people in my life. But, the love these people show me has become so very special during my pregnancy.

Ryan has made comment that perhaps the arrival of our baby is one of this year's most anticipated events (summer olympics, sorry). At least it seems that way among our friends and family. It may not be true, but the fact that they make us feel this way is truly wonderful.

Some days, the prospect of all the responsibility becomes a bit overwhelming (part reality kicking in and part weepy hormones). But, when I think of all the love that surrounds us, it all becomes clear. We will not be raising this child all on our own. This child will have some of the smartest, most creative, most caring people with whom to interact. Just as Ryan and I have benefited from those around us, our child will as well. What a gift.

On this Mother's Day...I dedicate this post to my mum, a woman who has shown me that love, kindness and appreciation are the tenets with which we treat others. She also showed me that a woman can work hard, raise a wonderful family, and show motherly kindness to those in need through generosity.

First Photos

When you are a pregnant woman over the age of 35, there is a lot of caution given to you by your physician. You are at higher risk for everything. And, you undergo every test possible to seek the actual chances. My statistics for risks thus far have been proven low, for my age - thank goodness. The pretty cool perk that comes with all of this caution is you get way more ultrasounds. These are a treat!

So, yes, Ry and I bask in the glow of this little science project that is currently growing in my belly and ultrasounds are pretty cool just from that aspect. I am still awe from the last ultrasound...we saw my little baby's heart - I mean really saw his or her heart. All its chambers pumping away, delivering blood to the baby's body. Amazing! We also saw the baby's brain and spine, long lean legs (crossed at the ankles, by the way), the toes that have been kicking at me, and the little hands. Science has let me see my baby's first photos.

We look forward to ultrasounds not just because we can see some amazing things happening each time, but also because it is our one glimpse at the little baby with whom we are already extremely attached and smitten.

Last time we went in for an ultrasound, the technician was a bit peeved because the baby was not facing the right way so we could not have an image of that perfect baby profile. The baby's back was facing outward. The tech moved the wand around, trying to coax the baby. Our little dragon gave in part of the way. We could see part of the face, the remainder was resting against the placenta. We were giggling. Already, this little one has its own little personality and attitude it seems. This journey is a fantastic one. I look forward to holding my baby for the first time, but right now...I am enjoying his or her first photos.

Introducing Little Dragon...the ultrasound you see is from 13 weeks. You can see the baby's profile, a hand just below the chin and farther down a foot and toes.

Oh, Baby!

Today, as I was driving into work...I decided it was high time I post on my blog again. It has been months and months of wasteland on my poor blog sphere.

What has prompted my sudden attitude to write on my lonely blog? I think it may be the fact that I am pregnant - it may be the hormones, in fact. Facebook and Twitter seem too incredibly impersonal for posting about this precious gift. My blog is the only little island where I know I can run away to share my thoughts and they still seem intimate (this is strange, I know, since this is on the World Wide Internets).

I am also feeling this overwhelming urge to document a bit about myself...perhaps for the little one who is currently moving about in my belly (creepy, but so cool, right?). I want him or her to know that his or her mother had thoughts, ideas, dreams, adventures...and I hope this "Little Dragon" (as we have come to call the baby - it is the year of the dragon, hence the name) will also pursue all of these things with his or her own independence and fervor.

Change is on the horizon at the Cerf-Dehmer home, but oh, baby...what an amazing, miraculous change. We are waiting with anticipation and enjoying every day of the journey that result in the birth of our own little human. Yeah, we are pretty blessed, filled with joy and just loving it all right now. I can't imagine it any other way.

post script - since I am currently 21 weeks...we are a little over halfway there with our journey, but I hope to log more in the upcoming 19 weeks (give or take a few weeks). I hope some of my favorite people will tune in.

Just a couple of random thoughts...

I am almost thinking clearly...random thoughts are all that I'm getting this evening. But, needed to write in my blog.

I don't want to go to another funeral or hear about someone passing away for quite a while. I don't think I am old enough to experience what I have experienced over the last couple of months, especially last couple of weeks. The worst was the passing of my grandmother. It hit me hard. You never realize how much matriachs in your family really are so integral and important until you lose one. Not only was she a hard-working lady that ensured her family was taken care of, but she had a WWII plane named after her...with her leggy image on the nose. I miss her. It is her genetics that made me a reader.

Good part of the weekend -- time with family. Love.

Who knew a nephew could be so much fun? I have such a wonderful time with my nephew Corron. His laugh is infectious. He makes the cutest noises. And, his curiosity is the most adorable thing I've ever experienced. I haven't been smitten with a baby since my little sister was an infant. I melt when he gives me a kiss and hug. And, I really melt when I see my husband playing with him. Ryan never looked cuter. Maybe part of it is my biological clock knocking on my uterus. Or maybe it is just I love having a nephew to spoil. Who else will ballroom dance with me in a restaurant? Just Corron.

I cannot wait to see my best friend - Rachel...in another country. We are finally going to have our overseas adventure. And, I am extremely excited. I was thrilled with the joy in her voice when we chatted on the phone while she waited to leave LAX. I love travelling...and now I think she has discovered why (have you, sis?).

I love having extended family. I was not looking forward to this last weekend and the funeral, but we were lucky enough to stay with extended family (yes, Katie, that is you). What solace it brought and comfort to my heart to be someplace that feels like home. The home of my best friend, the home of family. And, Katie made us feel so welcome. I am so blessed to be part of the Knecht family. Thank you.

I know I am very blessed. God has just made me one of those people who is surrounded by wonderful individuals, friends, family. I have a fantastic job where I am making a difference in my community. I have the time to volunteer for organizations for which I have a passion. I have the most fabulous, loving, sweet husband (and this is not an exaggeration). I have a home. I can travel. Thank you, Lord, for giving me so much. Ahhh.

Okay...enough randomness and a bit of "just letting it all out." I am thinking I need to put a photo of a couch with this post.

Good read: "Talking to Girls About Duran Duran" by Rob Sheffield. (Mix Tape in the form of a book -- brilliant)
Recent Music: "San Francisco Days" Chris Isaak (a used CD I purchased at Rhino this weekend - can we say place of comfort)